Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
