SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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