just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
