you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
