so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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