i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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