with your own penis?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
