Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
