Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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