Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
