You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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