Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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