Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
