Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
