He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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