Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
