dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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