just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
