i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
