he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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