it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
