She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
