Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
