He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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