Don't make out with my wife yet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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