you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
