I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
