someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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