1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
