he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
