In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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