i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
