do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
