Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
