if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just gift wrapped bread.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
