I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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