In America we eat man semen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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