apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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