there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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