I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How's work?
Spinning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
