let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
