I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
