In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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