Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
