Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
