The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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