So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you had me at cake vodka
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
