omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
