I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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