i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
